did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
