I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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