You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
