what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
