before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
