actually, I'm a sock model
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
