he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
