so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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