I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
