What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
