Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
