dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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