your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize