She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
