Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
