You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found the puke drawer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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