Screwed.edu
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
