FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
