All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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