ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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