i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
