If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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