They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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