Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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