Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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