I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
