Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
