i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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