My brain says no but my pants say off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
