So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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