Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
