$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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