worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
