Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
