dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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