i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
