Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
