tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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