This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
