Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
