Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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