On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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