pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
