He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He shit in the fireplace
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
