Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
