dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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