Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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