fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
