Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
