its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
