you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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