She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
