Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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