I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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