Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
