I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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