His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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