maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
