I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Couch. On fire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
