You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
