I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the liver wants what the liver wants
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
