we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
