I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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