i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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