just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
