You surviving the open bar?
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I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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