I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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