Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
