All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize