he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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