Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
