Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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