Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
