I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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