summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
