It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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