meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize