oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
