Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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