I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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