my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
