no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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