She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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