I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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