Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
