Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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