Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Betty ford says i'm here all night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
