i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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